Rough few days

I've had a rough few days. I didn't write Sunday. I was put off by my thoughts. I had roughs sleeps as well so that didn't help. I managed 2 pages Monday and 4 pages Tuesday. But my sleep was terrible. Thankfully I've tried to do something different and it seems to work. I didn't smoke before I went to bed. And I had something to eat a little earlier. And that worked today. So I'm happy. My cough has progressed to getting worse. I really ought to quit smoking. But I can't imagine myself without a cigarette. Terrible I know.

The screenplay is now up to 64 pages. But it's going slow. I keep imaging doing other things. Comics, novels, plays etc. My mind is constantly coming up with new ideas that end up putting me off the screenplay. That happened Sunday. I came up with the idea of doing a children's book starring my old teddy bear D.K. Jr. It annoys me. I need to finish something. Something with Jodie Summers in it before someone steals her name. But all I can think about is doing Prodigy. Or doing something other than the screenplay. It's driving me crazy!!

WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY TWISTED MIND!?

I suck so bad. I really want to finish something this year other than my crappy play Killing In The Name. I've really failed this year. 2008 has been utterly terrible in terms of writing. I just couldn't make up my mind what I wanted to write. And I still can't. It would be foolish to give up on the screenplay now though. I've got so far through it. It's pretty decent I think. Probably not good enough to be published. But I think I could get some decent feedback (if any).

I just hope I can put these thoughts to one side and finish the screenplay. Otherwise I'll be back to square one again.

Sigh.

Complete disaster!

My plan to make the novel-cum-screenplay into a poetic, arty, surreal masterpiece has backfired on me. I tried making it poetic but it just sounds silly. I couldn't do it. It seems so utterly crap now. I abandon it for definitely now. It just so stupid and crap. WHAT WAS I THINKING!? I've ruined it and now the memory of it has been tainted forever. I doubt whether it would have been published anyway. It was pretty awful to begin with.

I've gone back to the radio version of it. I like the idea I have for it. I made a few brief changes to it and while it's not genius. It's alright, I guess. Publishable? I doubt it. But I don't have much choice left. I HAVE to do and finish something with Jodie in it. Before someone steals her name. I did attempt a page of the comic but I find it to be utter shit. As always. I just can't do comics. They never seem right. They look odd. If only I could draw...

But I can't. So it's not worth worrying about. The radio play seems OK. I'll see how it goes. I'll probably go back to the comic since something will go wrong with the radio drama. I just know it. I'm only on page 3 of the radio play. So there's plenty that could go wrong with it. I only made some brief alterations tonight. Which I feel disappointed about. I should have done more. I may attempt some more tonight. My fantasies are getting in the way and I can't focus or concentrate properly.

I just hope I can finish something. Time is running out. A book or whatever could appear in the next few months with a character called Jodie Summers. I don't want to lose that name. I can't imagine her being called anything else. I guess it's my own fault. I've had the Jodie Summers character in my head since 2005. So I've had plenty of time to finish something with her in it but I always failed. Time after time. 2008 has been no different. There's something about Jodie that makes me fail with her. I managed to finish two crappy plays with my other character Prodigy even though they were both rejected. But I doubt anyone will steal 'Prodigy' and call a character that. It's so different and odd. But you never know.

But my primary focus is on Jodie. But I'll fail. As usual.

An update and writing Messiah Comic

It's been awhile hasn't it? Over 3 months since I last wrote an entry. Sorry. Nobody cares anyway. I just couldn't be bothered anymore. Things weren't going well for me. The Public Enemy musical turned out to be a total disaster. I received my Killing Jake play back from the Soho theatre. They thought it had some promise but weren't willing to take it any further. Which to me sounded like a polite way of saying it's crap.

I'm still waiting to hear back about my Killing In The Name play but that'll probably be rejected too. But anyway. I have tried to write just about everything these last 3 months. From comics, plays, novels musicals and even game books! But all turned out to be a disaster. They're all crap. And I just couldn't focus or stick at them more than 10 minutes each day. Which isn't good if you're trying to finish something by the end of the year.

2008 has been worse than last year. I have only finished 1 play this year. Last year around this time, I had two comics finished. Sure they were absolutely terrible. But still. I'm in total despair. I can't wait until the day I die.

I decided to write Messiah as a comic book. I managed 8 pages today which is my best all year. I had already done four pages some weeks ago but gave up on it after I couldn't decide on the story. I must have changed the Messiah story at least a hundred times these past two years. But I've finally settled on something and things went well today. I doubt if it will last. I'll mess up tomorrow and won't write anything.

ARGHHHH!!

Smells like Prodigy spirit

Another good day again today. I am so happy! I managed 1700 words of my Messiah Novel. And I have to admit. It's looking pretty good so far. That's 3300 in total. I'm doing good. And I am so proud of myself. I didn't think I could do it. But I have. All I need now is for this good spell to continue and finish the novel and get it published!

But I doubt any of that will happen. Something will go wrong. I won't finish. And it'll be so crap people will laugh at it. But for now, though I feel good. I was once again, determined to have a good day. And I'll keep being determined to have good days because right now, it seems to be working! Yay!

I'm really enjoy writing this novel. It's fun to do. It'll be some of the toughest writing I'll ever have to do. With all kinds of action sequences. But if I believe in myself (which I haven't recently) then I'm sure I can conquer it.

Keep your fingers crossed!

Messiah lives!

I've decided to rewrite my old, crappy, cyberpunk novel Messiah. I've changed the story from being about evil feminists to being about evil aliens. That way it'll have a better chance of being published if I ever finish it. I managed 29,813 words of the old draft and I'm hoping to surpass that and actually finish the bloody thing!

The book stars my favourite, Prodigy (Amy Anderson), and she's basically the Messiah that will save Earth, and other parallel Earths from these evil aliens creature type things. It's very inspired by The Matrix. Well, I mean, it's a complete rip-off of the Matrix movies. I've managed 1387 words so far. Not bad for 2 days work. I'm trying to write between 1000 - 1800 words a day. I've managed 800 words so far today. And I plan to do another 200-400 to finish off a pretty decent day.

I am determined to start having some good days. I'm getting sick of everything going wrong for me. I'm sick of failing at everything. I'm gonna try and do my best to write something that's publishable. 

Fingers crossed.

Been lazy

I haven't written Tuesday or Wednesday as I was feeling tired. I reread what I had written with Public Enemy and I came to the conclusion that it was total shite. So I'm feeling deeply depressed. I have cried a few times and given some thought to what I should do.

I've decided to abandon Jodie. And instead write my other favourite character Prodigy. But she is so versatile that I can't decide what to do her as. Detective, Vigilante, Messiah, Mercenary etc. She works in just about anything! So I have so long hard thinking to do. I want to write comics. I really do. But I find the whole thing incredibly hard. I don't know why though. Maybe it's because I'm just an untalented idiot.

I tried a vigilante novel today called The Hunter. Which stars Prodigy as the lead character. But it didn't go well at all. I am just to obsessed with writing comics at the moment. But I suck at them. Well, I suck at pretty much every form of writing. I am really, really upset. But I decided to buy some books to see if they could help me. I brought PANEL ONE and PANEL TWO that features top comic scripts by writers.

I'm hoping that I can learn from them. I'm hoping that seeing how other writers write their scripts could help me. I hope so anyway. But I won't get my hopes up.

Extract from Killing Jake Play

This is my finished detective play: Killing Jake. It stars my other favourite character Prodigy (Amy Anderson). To give you some background. It's the Year 2044. Prodigy is a broke, and out of luck detective with a Coke problem. And throughout the 55 page play she has to solve a great conspiracy involving Mutants, Androids and bankrupt corporations. And it all starts with a lost dog.

Here's Scene 1.

ACT I

SCENE 1

PRODIGY ENTERS. Curtain/lights are down.

Prodigy's a young, beautiful english rose. She's around twenty-two years old, and has shoulder length pitch-black hair. That has brilliant WHITE STREAKS glazed through it. On the LEFT HAND SIDE of her head, is a little PINK BOW.

PRODIGY
Welcome to the future. Twenty Forty-Four. To be precise. Capital City, England if you want more detail. The future isn't the best place for a young girl like me to grow up in. We have our fair share of crime, and disasters. I guess like anyone else. But what truly separates us from you is the rise of Mutants and Androids. I'm not a mutant myself but I live among them and they treat me as their own. I don't fit in with the Norms as we call them. Mutants emerged from the aftermath of the Nuclear War of Twenty-Twenty-Two. They have bodily deformities that have outcast them from traditional human society. And Androids? They appeared in Twenty-Thirty from Syntax. The leading technology company in the world.
(Pause)
My name is Amy Kathryn Anderson. In case you were wondering. But I prefer to call myself Prodigy. Most of the mutants do. How I got that name? That's beyond the time arc of this particular play. But you'll find out soon enough. When the time is right.

Prodigy EXITS.

AT RISE: WE'RE in Prodigy's quaint little office. There's a wooden desk, with a computer on, and a swivel chair behind it. Two ordinary chairs sit in front. Prodigy is at the window. The blind is half drawn, and she is looking out into the street. THUNDER, LIGHTNING and RAIN sweep across the street. It's not a nice night. Prodigy has a CIGARETTE in one hand, and with the other is peeping through the blind. The window reads - AMY ANDERSON, PRIVATE DETECTIVE.

PRODIGY
Ohhhh...!! Why isn't anyone coming? What am I doing wrong? I desperately need a new case to investigate. I'm running low on funds!
(turning away from window)
I guess I might as well call it a night. No-one's going to show up at this time. It's nearly 11pm.
(Inhales cigarette)
Hmmm.. That's better. Nothing like a good fag to calm me down. It seems to be my only friend these days.
(Crashes into swivel chair behind desk, and places head in hands)
Why did I take up this job?
(inhales more cigarette smoke)
It's all because I got that Sherlock Holmes novel, 'The Hound of Baskerville' for christmas when I was a kid. I knew it. I knew it right there and then that I wanted to be a private detective. But my dad he kept trying to talk me out of it. Maybe I should have listened to him now.
(Leans back, and inhales more smoke)
I need a fix-er-up-er.
(Opens top desk drawer and takes out a piece of wrapped up tin foil and a credit card)
This old thing has expired now. But I still have other uses for it.
(Unwraps foil and sprinkles a bit of the cocaine inside onto the desk, then uses the credit card to dice it into a thin line.)
This always does the trick when I'm feelin' blue.
(Digs into wallet, and pulls out five pound note. Rolls it up into a tube and sniffs the line of coke in one shot.)
Ahhh... That's better.
(Sniffs hard to ensure all the coke has gone up her nose, then rubs it.)
Oooooohh. I feel good all of a sudden. I could dance right now.
(Carries on smoking)

FOOTSTEPS approaching. Prodigy jerked forward in her seat, and waited for the inevitable knock.

KNOCK. KNOCK.

PRODIGY
(Douses out cigarette into tray, and folds her arms.)
Come in.

MRS. WARNER ENTERS looking rather distraught. She shakes off the rain from her UMBRELLA, and steps to Prodigy. Mrs. Warner is an elderly lady in her late fifties, with wrinkled skin, and thick sloshes of make up on her. She was wearing a pretty little red hat that was perched on top of her head. She looks posh, and fancy.

PRODIGY
(Smiling as cheerily as she could)
Can I help you?

MRS. WARNER
Yes. I've lost my baby. I don't often come to these parts, but my son wanted a toy from around here, and now....
(Sobs)
I've lost my baby!
(Sobs some more)
My husband will be so upset with me if I don't return home with him. I would go to the police, but it seems so trivial for them. I saw your office and wondered if you could help.

PRODIGY
I certainly can. Mrs...?

MRS. WARNER
Mrs. Warner.

PRODIGY
OK. Mrs. Warner. I just need to take down some details. Nothing to complicated. I'm sure this is a difficult time for you.
(Dumps tin foil into top draw, and pulls out a notepad and pen.)
So your name is Mrs. Warner.
(Writes it down.)

MRS. WARNER
(Sits down)
That is correct.

PRODIGY
And where were you last when he ran off?

MRS. WARNER
I was by the old haunted house. Just down the street. I turned my back for a brief second or two, and then he was gone.
(Wipes tears on napkin)
I hope you won't think of me as a lesser person because of it.

PRODIGY
(Writing down details)
No, No. Of Course not. It happens to all of us. Do you have any pictures of him that I could borrow for my search?

MRS. WARNER
All I have is this.
(Pulls of old, crinkled photo)
This is the most recent I have of him.

PRODIGY
(Takes photograph, and frowns.)
It's a DOG.

MRS. WARNER
Yes, Yes. He's my baby. You do pets don't you?

PRODIGY
Yeah. I guess.

MRS. WARNER
Thank you. Thank you. I can pay you quite handsomely if you find him.

PRODIGY
(Perks up in seat)
Really?

MRS. WARNER
Oh yes. We're a very wealthy family. My husband works for that Android company, Syntax.

PRODIGY
(Passes across notepad and pen)
If you could write down your details, that would be most helpful.

MRS. WARNER
(Writes down details)
There you go dear.
(Stands up.)
Call me the moment you find him.

PRODIGY
Will do.

Mrs. Warner takes her Umbrella, and EXITS. Prodigy leaned back in her chair, and lights up another cigarette.

PRODIGY
Damnit! Damnit!
(Thumps fists onto desk)
I thought I had a real case there.
(Breathes in smoke)
Never mind, I guess. A case is a case. Money is money. I hope I can make a lot for this. I don't particularly want to drag my sorry ass through these soggy streets looking for some over pampered Dog. But a Job is a Job. It all helps in the end.
(Stands up, and takes several puffs of cigarette before distinguishing it in the ash tray.)

Prodigy EXITS. END SCENE 1. (BLACKOUT)

This is the play that I got that compliment for. Doesn't seem that good now. What was I thinking!? I sent it off to the Soho Theatre a few weeks ago for a free script feedback. They'll probably just write back with CRAP written across it. :-(