Trying to write poetry

I've spent this last week or so since finishing my play trying to write poetry. But I suck at it. I've been doing some reading too. But nothing really makes sense. I just can't seem to grasp meter. I sent off my Fade To Black play to the Bush Theatre. I also sent off some old poems I found to Agenda magazine. They'll both be rejected. Both are shit. I've been trying to write Public Enemy as an epic narrative poem. But I keep fucking it up. It seems to crap and poor. I've got some rhyming in it but I'm being worked into a corner because of it. I need to do more reading.

I might just do single poems instead for the time being and leave the epic poem until I've had some stuff published and gained more confidence. Which means it'll never be written. I could always do it as another play but I really fancy poetry. Even though I suck. I have no talent. It's pretty obvious if you read any of my work. I understand metaphor, smilie, imagery etc but it's just meter I can't get my head round. I've been reading several different books and I still don't get it.

I was thinking of trying to write to a set rhythm to see if that worked. If I can get some sort of musical beat to it when read and avoid rhyme where possible I should be OK. Shouldn't I? I don't know. I'll have to try and report back.

Complete disaster!

My plan to make the novel-cum-screenplay into a poetic, arty, surreal masterpiece has backfired on me. I tried making it poetic but it just sounds silly. I couldn't do it. It seems so utterly crap now. I abandon it for definitely now. It just so stupid and crap. WHAT WAS I THINKING!? I've ruined it and now the memory of it has been tainted forever. I doubt whether it would have been published anyway. It was pretty awful to begin with.

I've gone back to the radio version of it. I like the idea I have for it. I made a few brief changes to it and while it's not genius. It's alright, I guess. Publishable? I doubt it. But I don't have much choice left. I HAVE to do and finish something with Jodie in it. Before someone steals her name. I did attempt a page of the comic but I find it to be utter shit. As always. I just can't do comics. They never seem right. They look odd. If only I could draw...

But I can't. So it's not worth worrying about. The radio play seems OK. I'll see how it goes. I'll probably go back to the comic since something will go wrong with the radio drama. I just know it. I'm only on page 3 of the radio play. So there's plenty that could go wrong with it. I only made some brief alterations tonight. Which I feel disappointed about. I should have done more. I may attempt some more tonight. My fantasies are getting in the way and I can't focus or concentrate properly.

I just hope I can finish something. Time is running out. A book or whatever could appear in the next few months with a character called Jodie Summers. I don't want to lose that name. I can't imagine her being called anything else. I guess it's my own fault. I've had the Jodie Summers character in my head since 2005. So I've had plenty of time to finish something with her in it but I always failed. Time after time. 2008 has been no different. There's something about Jodie that makes me fail with her. I managed to finish two crappy plays with my other character Prodigy even though they were both rejected. But I doubt anyone will steal 'Prodigy' and call a character that. It's so different and odd. But you never know.

But my primary focus is on Jodie. But I'll fail. As usual.

Harder than I thought

Red October has proved harder than I thought. And I've given up on it. I know, it didn't take me long. But I just can't be bloody bothered with it. Instead, I have decided to do my Hunter idea as a radio drama. I will throw in some musical numbers and I think I have a masterpiece.

I was going to go back to Theatre but I've run out of ideas. I wanted to do my fantasy play Dark Omen but only managed 3 lines of story. Ah well...

Here's to the Hunter. Something I will probably give up on with a few hours.

Why don't I have any talent?

So, I was reading Making Of A Comic on Dark Horse, and comparing their script with mine. Well, how do I put this politely? My descriptions seem so lazy and basically shit. What's wrong with me? I thought my opener to Public Enemy was at least semi-decent. But it seems so unbelievably terrible.

I don't know what to do. Should I rewrite now? Or finish it and then rewrite? I've attempted this spy-thriller four times already and never got past page 49 because it was just plain rubbish. I kept giving up on poor Jodie. I mean, I know she's fictional. But she seems so real to me. In my thoughts and dreams. I promised her I wouldn't quit this time. But I'm having second thoughts.

I'm in love with her! Yeah. Yeah. She's not real. Damn. I need a girlfriend. Any offers?

Didn't think so. Oh Jodie. What am I going to do with you? You seem such a brilliant character in my mind. Strong. Sexy. Smart. But on paper you lose all that. You seem so flat and uninspired.

Why was I born without any talent? I'm shit at just about EVERYTHING!  I can't believe Mother Nature/God (whoever) screwed me over so bad. I'm not mad at God though. Maybe I do deserve it. After all, I find myself blaspheming a lot. I'm not just a crappy writer. I'm a crappy Christian too. :-(