It's hard being talentless

I didn't write yesterday. I was going to do the comic but I got put off. I just couldn't do it. I became horribly depressed and felt like crying. I couldn't decide anymore what type of writer I wanted to be. I didn't know what medium to do. So I spent the night thinking about it and I realized that I wanted to be a playwright and poet. Even though I suck at poetry. I wanted to write, and enjoy it. I wanted to immerse myself in it. Which meant only one thing. I needed to spend more money that I didn't have. Sigh.

I went to Amazon and I searched for classic poetry works. And I brought; Divine Comedy, Beowulf, William Blake collection and The Complete Works of Shakespeare. I wanted to buy alot more than that but it would have cost too much. The total was £40. I just hope they can prove useful. The journalist books that I brought were a complete waste of money. £46 gone down the drain. I didn't need them. It was a silly idea. But there's nothing I can do about it. Sigh.

I didn't have a particularly great sleep today. I thought things would go wrong. I knew that my old routine would work for 2 days then go wrong. And I was proven right. It took me till nearly 6 am to fall asleep. I woke up at 8:15 am. I smoked two cigarettes, and took me another couple of hours to fall asleep again. I eventually slept till 5 p.m which I guess makes up for the times it took to fall asleep in the first place. I was worried though my writing would go wrong. I haven't written well in the past 3 days. I would be doing the Fade To Black play. I attempted it before but it has always gone wrong. But thankfully tonight it went OK. I managed 6 pages of it. I would have liked to done more. But I probably won't until I take the Valproate Semi-Sodium increase which won't be for another few days.

I just hope I can finish this play soon and get it sent off. Then pray for it to be accepted. I need it badly. My life is falling apart before my very eyes. I need some luck for once. It's hard being talentless.

Thinking about praise I've received

I was thinking just a few moments ago, after the post about how crap I am. About the praise that I've received for some of my work. I haven't had many. But that's because I've barely finished anything. But I did finish my theatre play Killing Jake.

I sent it off to PFD. And Although it was rejected. I got this nice little compliment. It's not much. But it made me feel good.

I've now read the play and I am afraid that, although I do see that you write well, it's just not to my taste. Obviously, my reaction is purely subjective.

That was from Giles Smart. Although, rejecting my play like that. He doesn't seem that smart. (hehehe). And that's basically it. I definitely need to finish more stuff and get them sent off. Otherwise, I'll never make it as anything.

I have so far this year, finished two plays. Killing Jake (as mentioned) and Killing in the Name. Both of them are short. Between 55-60 pages respectably. And I was hoping to write a longer one. But, ah, never mind.

I'm on my Graphic Novel at the moment. But it's not going well. I find it very painful, and arduous to write. And as mention in the post below. My descriptions seem utterly crap. I need to improve. I need to improve. I need to improve.

Hopefully I will. I've been getting better. That's a positive at least. I mean the first four versions of it were the most crappiest thing you've ever seen. Take my word for it. They were plain shit. But with this fifth draft. I have completely seen an improvement. But I'm afraid it's still not good enough to be published.

I must try harder. I must try harder. I need to improve. I need to improve.