Trying to write poetry

I've spent this last week or so since finishing my play trying to write poetry. But I suck at it. I've been doing some reading too. But nothing really makes sense. I just can't seem to grasp meter. I sent off my Fade To Black play to the Bush Theatre. I also sent off some old poems I found to Agenda magazine. They'll both be rejected. Both are shit. I've been trying to write Public Enemy as an epic narrative poem. But I keep fucking it up. It seems to crap and poor. I've got some rhyming in it but I'm being worked into a corner because of it. I need to do more reading.

I might just do single poems instead for the time being and leave the epic poem until I've had some stuff published and gained more confidence. Which means it'll never be written. I could always do it as another play but I really fancy poetry. Even though I suck. I have no talent. It's pretty obvious if you read any of my work. I understand metaphor, smilie, imagery etc but it's just meter I can't get my head round. I've been reading several different books and I still don't get it.

I was thinking of trying to write to a set rhythm to see if that worked. If I can get some sort of musical beat to it when read and avoid rhyme where possible I should be OK. Shouldn't I? I don't know. I'll have to try and report back.

Fade To Black Play Finished!!

I finished something!

YAY! YEAH! WOOHOO!!

More later.

It's 85 pages long. My longest play I have ever written. Although, it is only my third.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

It's been a few days. I can't be bothered to update very day. I don't have much to say. I've had good writing sessions this week. I managed 6 pages each on Saturday and Sunday. I didn't write Monday as I got stuck and couldn't think of the solution to the scene I was trying to write. But I worked it out and Tuesday I managed an amazing 10 pages! It was incredible! Wednesday didn't go so well. I managed 5 pages. But I wrote an awkward scene that I'm thinking of deleting. The dialogue for it is terrible. The character I added were awful too. So I'll most likely end up removing that odd page. It really brings the play down. Tonight I managed another incredible session with 9 pages written. My Fade To Black play is now at 70 pages. I think I might manage 90 at this rate! It would be my longest ever play! Admittedly, I've only written 2 others. But they were 55 pages and 60 pages respectably.

My sleep has been generally good too. I couldn't sleep Tuesday so I had to take another sleeping pill. But it didn't stop me from writing (thankfully). I've been spending money again after visiting Amazon. I brought Sieben; a triple CD album by Agonoize. That should arrive tomorrow. I also brought Marlowe: The complete plays. I also got The Complete Dramatic works of Samuel Beckett, and the collected poems of William Wordsworth. That was on Friday night. Then last night I brought two Tech N9ne albums. £8 and £9 each. They are; Ever-ready, and Killer. I quite pleased. It's been a good week with the odd exception.

My Social Work Gavin came again today. It was a bit awkward at first. I was meant to do some homework by listing 5 problems and coming up with a solution for them. But I couldn't be bothered to do it. But he kept asking me why. So I sat in silence for ten minutes looking at the floor. But I warmed up and it went OK from that point onwards.

That's it really. Nothing more for me to say.

Goodbye.

Come again soon.

An update

I haven't posted for a few days. I just couldn't be bothered. But things are going well. I've had good sleeps and good writing sessions since my last post. I also have a new social worker called Gavin Palmer. He's a little direct. He wants me to have a more fulfilling life than I have now. Which I suppose is a good thing. But I guess I like my life. It's not perfect. I hardly ever go outside. I don't have any friends. Never had a girlfriend. But I do enjoy myself. Admittedly, I get depressed at times. And wish I was dead. But that only happens when my writing goes bad. I'm still hoping that my writing pays off and success and fortune comes my way. Then maybe I'll consider going out more etc.

I feel everything that normal people have will follow once I get successful. That's how I envision it in my head. Gavin's a nice bloke. But I worry about the what he'll try and get me to do. I don't know if I even want to go out. Not at the moment. I'm quite contended. I know he can't force me. So I am always in control. But I succumb to nagging. If he nags me enough then I will probably do what he wants. And that scares me. I suffer from anxiety alot. So it's going to be tough going from now. I just hope I can pull through.

As I mentioned, Fade To Black play is going quite well. I'm up to 33 pages. I'm worried about the dialogue. It seems a bit weak. I don't know if it fits Jodie's character or not. I do struggle with dialogue. I should probably read that book I brought on it. But I haven't as of yet. I don't know if it's going to be performed/published or not. I hope it is. The year is nearly at an end and I have only finished 1 play which was Killing In The Name. That got rejected because it was crap. I'm still worried someone will steal the name Jodie Summers. I need desperately to get something else finished and hopefully published or performed. But I don't know if Fade To Black is the one to make it happen. I enjoy writing it and everything but I'm worried it's crap. I fear it is crap. Am I a terrible writer? Am I a hack? Will I ever get published? Successful?

My whole life depends on it. I can't stand this lack of success anymore. I WANT TO BE PUBLISHED!!

Good, Bad, Good

I managed 5 pages on Saturday. So that was good. But I had a poor sleep. So that was bad. I had a good sleep sunday. So that was good. But I didn't write much due to being distracted by the formula one racing. So that was bad. I had a good sleep monday and a good writing session. So I'm pleased. I've had a good sleep today too. So I just hope my writing goes well.

More later.